Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
