Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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