I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
