Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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