I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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