Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
