i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
