the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
