I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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