Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your dad touched me again.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
