Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
