plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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