I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
