so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
