It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
