There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
