Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
