What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
