Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
