i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
