is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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