Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
