Please, let me fuck your mom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
