I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
zippers are such a cool invention
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
