I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
