He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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