I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
