I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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