He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
