Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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