3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
