I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
