I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
