dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
