dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
