I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
