I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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