Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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