You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
