if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
