I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
