Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
