if you like me you must not know who I am
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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