Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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