Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
