Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
