naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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