just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
