Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
