Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
