So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
