I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
